Do you find yourself procrastinating about doing things?
Are you scared to put yourself out there?
Are you scared about the future?
Fear is a concept that everyone understands, and covers a wide
variety of situations across many topics. But what is fear and how do we deal
with fear?
On its own it is less an emotion and more of a reaction to a
perceived threat, which results in emotions like anxiety, panic and even anger.
It often has a physical reaction associated with it, such as shaking,
sweating, even throwing up, which is better known as the ‘Fight or Flight’
response.
Fear can paralyse you physically, mentally and emotionally, and
on occasion shut you down entirely.
“Don’t let your fear of what could happen make nothing happen.” - Doe Zantamata
Many fears that affect our day to day lives are based on ‘what if’ scenarios we run in our heads. We’re scared of what we did before, we’re scared of what we might do in the future, and we’re scared of what we are doing today. It can put up many barriers in how we function, and stop us reaching for the things we want in our life.
When trying to change our lives and ourselves some of the fears we may encounter are:
- Fear of facing past hurt
- Fear of repeating past behaviours/events
- Fear of change
- Fear of the unknown
- Uncertainty
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - Franklin D. Roosevelt
There are ways to combat these fears.
When dealing with the fear of facing things from the past that
have hurt, I try and rationalise them. I ask myself, what will happen if I
think about this or talk about this? The answer is that I’ll feel that pain
again, or experience those feelings again.
But I remind myself that the event is past, I am not experiencing
it again; it is only the memory of the event. And how much meaning I have given
that memory will result in how it affects me in the present moment.
Often letting something out will release its power. If I say it
out loud it can be like hearing it for the first time, or from a different
viewpoint. Or if I write it down, it’s like reading it for the first time and
seeing it in black and white. It reveals another truth.
Many times there are other factors in the event that you haven’t
seen before, but are revealed through this process. You can then look at the
entire event differently and change the meaning of it. You can update the
thoughts and emotions you have about it (as described in my previous post
Backtracking Thoughts and Emotions).
By doing this you reduce and change the emotional response you
have to it when you think about it.
When those past hurts are trapped in your head, they keep going
round and round, and you end up persecuting yourself. Once you let them out,
whether spoken or written - or both - you stop that and form a new way of
dealing with them, allowing you to move forward, and not be immobilised by them
anymore.
“What you fear will not go away by constantly thinking
about it. It will go away when you see it for what it is.” - Anon
When dealing with fear about change or the unknown, I inform
myself. I find out as much as I can by either talking to others who have
experienced what I’m going through, or reading about those who have, in books
or on the internet.
In many cases I feel reassured by finding others that others have
gone through similar experiences and changes and come out the other side
successfully. It enables me to see that it’s possible and it gives me the
confidence to step forward out of my own comfort zone and take the risk too.
A comfort zone is an area you create and live in that is
comfortable, where you don’t have to take any risks that might make you have to
confront your fears or experience your emotions. A comfort zone is full of
everything that is familiar and patterns of behaviour you can be sure of - whether
good or bad. If you stay in that comfort zone you don’t have to challenge
yourself, open up, or make any changes. But it also means you won’t more
forward from the place you are at, either physically or mentally.
“If you don’t get uncomfortable leaving your comfort zone, then you
haven’t really left it.” - Tim Brownson
In some ways staying in the comfort zone is more risky than
trying to push through your fears, because within that zone you’re more likely
to repeat past negative behaviours and recreate situations you don’t want,
rather than bring about what you do want.
It is only by opening yourself up and facing your fears, and
pushing through them that you can move forward and make progress.
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no
power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” - Jim Morrison
When dealing with uncertainty about whether to take a step toward
or not I tend to use the ‘worst case scenario’ tactic. I ask myself,
realistically what is the worst thing that can happen if I do this? I would
start with the very extreme negative outcome and work my way back to a more
rational realistic outcome.
For example, if I express myself to that person, what is the
worst thing they will do? Hit me? Scream at me? And how likely is that?
Often it is not likely, so then I can work back to what would be,
and realise that what I thought was so terrifying wasn’t anymore.
This can be a handy tactic with anxiety or angst about many
things, physical or emotional.
But your ability to overcome your fears is not just about how you
deal with them, it is also about how much you want to overcome them, and that
desire comes down to whether you believe in yourself or not.
“Self-esteem and self-love
are the opposites of fear; the more you like yourself, the less you fear
anything.” — Brian Tracy