Quest for Love: Memoir of a Child Sex Slave by
Anneke Lucas
My rating:
5 of 5 stars
I finished this book in a week, which is super fast for me. It was as compelling as it was disturbing and I'm still struggling to put into words my thoughts about it.
Reading through reviews I see people victim blaming and just disbelieving this account, and I can understand why they might, because it is a lot to take on, and in such great detail. But as someone from a traumatic childhood - though nothing on this scale - your ability to recall the very visceral details of a moment of abuse stays with you a lifetime. Although Anneke had help and support to accomplish this complete recall and her feelings about it.
I live in the Netherlands and to think much of this was perpetrated by a Prime Minister just over the border in Belgium, and that a case (Dutroux) was covered up by an investigation team to placate a network that undertakes pedophilia, torture and murder on this scale, is sickening. Since the Jeffrey Epstein case, and people like Prince Andrew being involved, this book allows you to see how it is possible. It seems that money and power really can allow you to do anything.
Anneke Lucas recounts a certain time period of the abuse, and alludes to 'training' she had. I would have been interested to know more about that and who was involved, but I also appreciate that there comes a point where you can't keep going over such horrific events. Plus it makes me wonder if it will make her a target again.
This book is not for the faint-hearted and would trigger anyone with sexual abuse in their history. It is not an easy read, especially with some of the detail, and I felt devastated, frustrated, angry and disgusted throughout the entire reading. But the one who I reserve the majority of my anger for was her narcissistic mother. She was utterly disgusting and without any remorse for her treatment of her daughter. I really would have liked to have seen justice done with her. I myself had a narcissistic mother and it made me wonder if she had had access to such a place would she have taken us there, but no matter how difficult and jealous she would get, I do believe that morally she was not that corrupt.
I'm so grateful Anneke was able to get out of it alive, and I felt a strange sense of serendipity when she mentioned during her near-death experience having visions of Paramahansa Yogananda, because I bought his book, Autobiography of a Yogi, just last year, and it's currently on my tbr pile.
I also loved her words about healing:
"Healing breaks our heart so that love can enter. Healing from trauma is to feel suppressed feelings so that we can expand and feel everything. It means to go inward, to connect with our own truth and so connect with greater truth, so that we can know what we know with certainty, because we can feel it, because we are in touch with our true selves."
And her words about our current corrupt power systems, couldn't be truer:
"The psychopaths who attempt to rule the world have no access to their inner selves, and are trying to know themselves only through outward means, through status and control, needing to feel superior in order to feel worthy."
"Even as we steadily move into a more enlightened era, the slaves to power, bound to earth and its riches, are fighting tooth and nail to protect their lies and way of life, which is creating the turbulence we are experiencing today."
This is not my first reading on such a topic, so I had an idea of what I was going into before reading. Just as Anneke is not the only person trying to shed light on these horrific goings-on. You need to be mentally prepared, because they will give you a mental hangover which is hard to shake, and may never leave you - unless, like some of the other reviewers, you just choose to disbelieve it all.
Thank you Anneke for sharing this with us. I admire you strength and your courage.
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